


What Time Took

by batyalewbel



Series: Familial Bonds [3]
Category: Star Trek: Discovery, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fix-It, Gen, Spock and Kirk are always a little shippy when I write them but its pretty background, no betas we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-17
Updated: 2019-09-17
Packaged: 2020-10-20 09:54:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20673437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/batyalewbel/pseuds/batyalewbel
Summary: “I had a sister.”“What happened to her?”“Time.”





	What Time Took

Jim always thought Spock had a few secrets. A few tales he might never tell.

They had been working together for a few years now and he liked to think he knew the Vulcan well.

Well enough to recognize the times when he appeared, somehow...inexplicably sad.

Moments when nothing in particular was wrong, nothing bad was happening to them or around them but Spock would get that distant look in his eye and appear...sad.

Jim never felt certain it was his place to intrude but there were times when he wanted desperately to ask. To reach out and try to help, or maybe comfort if Spock would accept it.

There were times when he thought the Vulcan might even be able to sense his curiosity. 

Sometimes he got so close to asking, his mouth opening with the words poised on his tongue, and Spock would just look at him. 

A look in his eyes that simply asked, 

_ Don’t. _

\---

They had finished a mission on the planet Scariff.

It went badly. They had lost crew and gained very little in return. Not that there was ever anything material or otherwise that they could find that would make up for losing lives.

But he had held on to Ensign Rodi with all his might, even as they both nearly fell to their deaths. In the end she fell, and he watched and survived.

Ensign Erkor had been shot by one of the indegenous beings on the planet.

Ensign Astrid was poisoned by some local fauna. It had been so fast, there was nothing they could do.

Everyone had tried so hard to make a good first contact but the planet had resisted, along with its inhabitants and in the end, it had been for nothing. 

He would have to go to his quarters and compose letters to the families but right now he was standing alone on the observation deck, watching the stars pass.

Bones had grumpily released him from Sick Bay although Spock was still being held under observation. He had taken that with quiet resignation although sometimes Jim thought that Spock might also dislike being in Sick Bay.

Now Jim watched the stars and debated with himself about going to check on his first officer or leave him to quiet contemplation.

In the end his instincts won out and he headed to Sick Bay

\---

“Jim, fancy seeing you here” Bones drawled as Jim crossed the threshold into Sick Bay.

“I was hoping to…” he didn’t even finish the sentence as Bones snorted and pointed down the corridor.

“He’s the third room on your right.”

“Thanks Bones.”

The Doctor flapped a hand rather than respond, but the small smile betrayed the gesture. Jim smiled a little and shook his head as he followed the Doctor’s instructions and found Spock, lying in his bed, awake and staring at the ceiling.

“Spock,” he said, by way of a greeting.

“Captain,” The Vulcan replied, calm and smooth as ever. The only thing that belied discomfort was the way his hands, folded over his stomach, twitched slightly.

Jim pulled up a chair next to his bio bed and sat down.

“Is there something you wished to discuss Captain?” Spock asked, fixing him with that keen eyed stare. Jim sighed, scrubbing a hand through his hair.

“I just needed a minute to think before I…” he trailed off, swallowing hard.

“This part never gets easier, Spock,” he said, almost too soft to be heard.

“You are grieving the loss of our crewmates,” Spock said. It wasn’t quite a question and yet it felt like one. 

“Yes,” Jim said and Spock nodded.

“I too found their deaths to be...unfortunate.”

Jim fought the urge to snort. Spock was the master of understatements.

“I just...I have to write their families,” Jim said and again, the Vulcan nodded, looking away thoughtfully.

“...Jim,” 

His head jerked up at the use of his own name. Spock invoked it so rarely and he was still looking away as he continued, seemingly unaware of the man’s sudden, rapt attention.

“I would like to tell you something but you must promise to never speak of it.”

Jim opened his mouth to respond, to say _ of course, _when the Vulcan faced him again with an intensity that seemed...unsettled.

“Even my speaking of it in private could be classified as a treasonous act. So what I say to you cannot leave this room.”

Jim stared, mouth slightly agape, as he slowly nodded his head.

Spock inclined his head and then stared straight ahead, avoiding Jim’s gaze.

“I had a sister.”

Again, Jim opened his mouth to ask if Spock was making a joke or maybe to express some incredulity but he stopped when Spock looked at him again. That pain he had seen in his first officer so many times over the past few years...always at the most inexplicable moments...there it was.

And then he noticed the use of past tense.

_ Had. _

“What happened to her?” Jim asked.

Spock looked away. 

“Time.”

He stopped and swallowed before he continued.

“It would be best to avoid all the particulars, but she was forced to go...quite far...in order to safeguard some information that threatened all life in the galaxy. She is far beyond my reach now.”

Spock paused, and Jim was almost afraid to speak. He simply watched, and waited for his first officer to say what he needed to say.

“I know she reached her destination safely but that was several years ago now and the only method of communication is now closed. I do not know if she is still alive and safe out there. I hope she is, but…”

He swallowed hard and looked at Jim again.

“Don’t be afraid to write those letters. They will cause upset for the families but...it is better to know.”

Jim stared, “...Spock I…”

“I do not tell you this to garner your pity.”

“Of course not,” Jim replied. If it was anybody else he might even be offended but he knew the man before him well enough to sweep the impulse aside.

Now Spock stared at him again, keen eyed. One hand, resting flat against the blankets, clenched the fabric. As if the Vulcan were steeling himself for further truths.

“I miss her…very much,” Spock said, sorrow tightly lining his brow. Restrained but fully visible on his features.

“I can only imagine,” Jim murmured.

Something about that made the Vulcan smile, a slight crinkling around the eyes and the smallest quirk of his lips.

“I think she would...I think she would have...liked you,” Spock looked away seemingly frustrated with the inadequacy of his vocabulary.

“In some ways, you are very much alike.”

“How so?” Jim asked, elbows braced on his knees, leaning forward and not even trying to hide his curiosity. Spock still looked away from him again, eyes focused on something he could not see.

“You both feel things...deeply. You take loss personally. And often assume responsibility for things beyond your control,” The Vulcans gaze slid to him them, smooth as liquid and almost too knowing for comfort.

Jim opened his mouth and closed it again, uncertain of what to say.

It felt like Spocks words were somehow a comfort and a chastising at once.

Finally Jim swallowed and asked, “Did you talk to her like this? When you were still with her?”

Spock blinked, “Yes. She did not like it.”

Jim snorted, unable to stop himself. Again, Spock smiled, without really smiling. Just a sparkle in his eyes gave it away.

“Okay well,” Jim got to his feet with a grunt, he was still sore from the days exertions, “I should go and...write those letters.”

It sucked all the humor out of him just to say it, but Spock was right. As he so often was.

He moved towards the door.

“Captain.”

One word stopped him in place and he turned to face his first officer.

“Yes?”

“Sometimes I miss her a little...less...when I am with you and Doctor McCoy.”

That made Jim smile, wide and bright.

“Thank you Spock. And your secret is safe with me.”

“Thank you...Jim.”

He turned to go and then stopped.

“What was her name?”

He looked back at Spock, still sitting in bed with his hands folded. 

The Vulcan looked at him and for a moment Jim thought he could see a hundred emotions in his eyes.

“Michael...Her name was Michael.”

“Michael,” Jim repeated, at once thoughtful at the idea of this sister he would never meet and sad for his friends loss. Finally he nodded and turned to go.

“Better try and sleep or Bones will knock you out,” he said on his way out.

“Naturally,” Came the Vulcans desert dry reply.

With that Jim left the Sick Bay feeling...almost privileged in the knowledge his First Officer had gifted him.

He still stung with the loss of his crew. That sort of pain never got easier to bear. But Spock’s words, the keen knowing in his gaze, had lessened the ache of it enough that he could lift his head and go to his quarters to write about the good and loyal crew they lost.

\---

In the years that followed Jim kept his word and never spoke of Spock’s sister, unless they were in private.

In the privacy of shared quarters, over a game of chess, sometimes Spock would tell him a story. About when they were young and Spock trailed after her like a lost puppy. About when they were older and fought bitterly.

Once he told Jim, in soft tones, of the final words Michael said to him. Of her plea that he reach out to others.

It would be many years. When Kirk was an Admiral and Spock was an Ambassador that he received a comm from his best friend, asking him to come to Vulcan immediately.

Jim came of course, no questions asked.

When he arrived, Spock was there waiting for him. Beside him, a woman with dark skin and a bright smile had her arm linked through his.

“Spock,” he said with a puzzled smile, glancing between the two of them, “I got your message but…”

He trailed off and Spock smiled. In the passing years he let such expressions happen more than he used too, smiling with more than just his eyes.

“Jim, I would like you to meet my sister Michael,”

Jim all but gaped at the woman.

He wasn’t sure what he had pictured for Spock’s adopted sister but this woman with a smile that was galaxies wide had not been it. She was younger than both of them, although she had a few gray hairs and lines around her eyes that belied she was older than she looked.

“You have questions,” Spock stated and Jim nodded.

“Well I have questions too,” Michael said, still jovial as she came forward and shook his hand, “Has Spock ever told you about the time he had a beard?”

Jim was still gaping but an incredulous laugh escaped him.

“No, no he didn’t.”

Michael’s laugh was like sunlight and Spock rolled his eyes skyward, “Now sister, surely there are better matters to discuss.”

“No, I want to start with the beard, brother,” she said looking over her shoulder at Spock, still clasping Jim’s hand in both of her own.

“We can work our way towards the other stuff later.”

She looked between the pair of them, her smile growing still further.

“We finally have time.”

Spock smiled back gently, full of so much warmth.

“Yes. We have all the time in the world.”

The three of them walked inside as Michael eagerly regaled him with stories of Spock’s ‘rebellious phase’ and an apparently terrible beard.

Later she would have questions and Jim would have questions and Spock sat with them looking happier than Jim had ever seen him.

It seemed that time had taken much, but in the end, 

It had finally given something back.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm betting a lot of you caught my Rogue One reference. I'm still trash for it but also it was easier than coming up with a planet name.
> 
> Also I still have feels. I might write one or two more little scene tags in this series but I really wanted something where Spock told Kirk about Michael and then....it got away from me and became a fix it.


End file.
